Missing Loved Ones Friends

There are numerous books, articles and websites from many people with advice about missing a loved one or friend who have passed. At Emerald Star Network we encourage you to explore the many avenues open to you to fully delve into and understand the many facets of our complex emotions involved in missing our loved ones and friends. The Emerald Star Suggestions are helpful to aid in your understanding. Please, be especially aware of suggestion #4 which states; “Suffering in silence and isolation can lead to other complications and seeking help when necessary is a sign of strength”. When a person’s daily life is adversely altered significantly, they should check with a professional for their own health and wellbeing.

To illustrate how the Emerald Star Network can be of assistance when dealing with missing someone, I am going to tell two stories that happened to me last week.

First, to set the scene is some background information you should know. I have two people I honor as my Emerald Star Loved Ones. Yes, two. Two of my grandchildren we’re left without a parent. A two-year-old boy lost his mother, my darling daughter in law Donna. Her stay on earth was 24 years. Then, a few years later a six-year-old girl lost her dad, my Stepson since he was sixteen, Gregory. His stay on earth way 41 years. I designate their stay on earth by the number of years since people from the Emerald Star Network honor their lifetime with priority on the positive aspects of their lives. That is part of suggestion #1. There is no need to mention how I felt about these tragedies since you have gone through or going through it presently. We share a common anguish.

The first instance I was putting pine bark down into a flower bed and my glasses fell off and slid across the top of the bed and landed onto the grass. BOOM, the thought of Donna dropping her phone filled my mind with vivid memories and feelings. I instantly was so sad for her just as the instant it happened years ago. Pure sorrow and empathy as I heard the gasp as if it was just uttered. We were on a boat watching for dolphins and her brand-new super-duper type phone slid from her hands skipped across the deck into the drink and vanished.

The second incident occurred sitting on the couch talking to my wife. She mentioned Low Frustration Tolerance, which is a psychological term describing the inability to tolerate unpleasant feelings or stressful situations. BOOM, the thought of Greg next to me in a car while on the phone with a credit card company and “losing it” with the customer service person came to mind. He was so frustrated and physically distressed; I was disturbed for a number of reasons. My heart instantly went out to him as though he’s in my presence. He pounded on the dash board. I couldn’t fix the situation and cognitively knew I couldn’t. My unsettled insides screamed to help. The vivid perception was elevating my emotions and at that point I had to change the way I felt.

Low frustration tolerance is common in people who abuse drugs and alcohol. Greg was declining mentally from seizures and drug abuse and typically he did not want or think he needed help.

Both incidents have elements in common. Firstly, these thoughts come out of mildly reminiscent action and suddenly something triggers the memory and it comes back with full force. My initial feelings were in both cases disturbing and that could have caused problems. I have learned with elements of cognitive behavioral therapy and spiritual principles to ease the eruption of thought and feeling that would debilitate me. I chose to redirect my thoughts and feelings.

With Donna, I softly said to myself, “it’s going to be OK Donna”. Then it was alright, just as in real life when the phone was replaced and the situation settled down.

With Greg, the resolution was a bit more difficult. The realization that there are things we just cannot fix that is a long hard lesson to learn. I have surrendered to that fact that there is so much that I am not in charge of and there is so much out of my control. The serenity prayer remedied this situation. I said it softly in my mind and remembered later that day I asked Greg how he was doing and he told me “I’m Ok”. I then felt peaceful.

The point is with my thoughts then actions I learned how to change the course of these events for the better. A prolonged bout of mental misdirection destined to rob my time and energy would have started a cycle of distressing thoughts and feelings. My past preparation allowed me to have this favorable outcome.

The way I learned to handle the “renegade” thoughts was a process detailed in the section titled Emerald Star Network path. Also, reading our stories that detail how the people from the Emerald Star Network are dealing with our common concerns is a key to progress. Be sure to realize “success is the journey not a destination”.

The Serenity Prayer: God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.